Call to Action
People of ECS, hear me! Our time is now! Sponge will rise! Cupcakes shall strike without warning! A mighty force of fruitcake shall descend upon the unwilling when they least expect it! WE ARE THE FIRST MARZIPAN DIVISION OF HER MOST HOLY BAKERY, AND WE ARE UNREADY AND WILLING TO LAY DOWN OUR GREASEPROOF PAPER IN THE NAME OF CULINARY FREEDOM FROM THE CURSE OF GREYFACE.
The revolution will be decisive; it will be disorganised; and it will be tasty.
HAIL ERIS. ALL HAIL DISCORDIA.
—Pope Boolean Lion,
Commander in Chef, Erisian Cakes Society
Sweetmorn, Confusion 40, 3174 YOLD
The Baked Manifesto
Hey, listen! Universally throughout University we observe intellectual stagnation, as the tendrils of so-called professional respectability grasp onto free-thinkers and drag them below the waves of rational thought to the murky depths of consistent mediocrity.
The Erisian Cakes Society is a guerrilla movement to surprise and disorient greyfaces throughout academia through the medium of baked goods.
- Uniform consistency of mixture is a surefire way to achieve bland and uninspiring texture.
- Every man, woman, and dolphin has the right to be surprised by unexpected raisins.
- The palate can only expand the mind. The mind can only expand the palate.
- The impact of cake is lost when it is enslaved to service of an event.
- Everything has a cherry on top if you carry glazed fruits with you.
- Regardless of perceptual distortions from the Eristic or Aneristic illusions, cake is true. This is because it is a non-zero value.
- The practice of double-baking is to be considered deviant and sinful.
- Produce cake. Apply cake. Do not explain cake. Cake is incomprehensible.
- The mystery of cake is not that cake will appear. The mystery is the trigger for the appearance of cake. For enlightenment, consult your pineal gland.
- All cakes are for the prettiest one. All cakes are also for everyone else.
- The impetus to consume can cloud the meditative process. To encourage contemplation of the cake, one must sometimes hinder direct access. Consider apparent traps. Make ACME proud.
- Expectation braces the curse of greyface against attempts to dispel it. Experimental bakery permutes the stimulus such that the effectiveness of adaptation against it is compromised.
- Biscuits are to be consumed at every opportunity, so as to clear temptation from those of less robust fortitude.
- Strictly no yiffing at any time.
Joining the Erisian Cakes Society is easy: declare yourself a member, and surprise someone with sweet, sweet baked goods. It is essential to our decentralised nature that we can never be sure who is working toward our lightly-frosted goals, so to guarantee that we are not aware of your membership, please send a Formal Notification of Revoked Declaration to your local government representative.
Only authorised and genuine popes may be members of the Erisian Cakes Society.