A review of cat face emoji

(Un)official ranking of every cat face emoji on Emojipedia

For the lion version, I included a reminder of what actual lions looked like, since people…kinda don't always get that right.

But everyone knows what cats look like, right?

You want a cat picture anyway, don't you.

Alright, here's one by Rbreidbrown (CC BY-SA):

A photo of an actual cat.

What an adorable fluffy little derp, demonstrating the classic :3 expression.

The contenders

Apple

This is another flabby butt someone's drawn on with a marker pen. 1/10

Google

Well, I'll give it credit for being a classic smilie but a cat, and happy about it. 4/10

Google, Android 7.0

So happy to be here! Has incomprehensible Japanese adventures. 8/10

Microsoft

The vacant, forgotten-tongue expression says chubby derp, but the angles are all old cartoon. Not a good idiot. Has walked catfood all over the carpet again after standing in their food bowl to drink. 3/10

Microsoft, Windows 8.1

It's a Baba Is You block, and not one you want to touch. 2/10

Samsung

Making the eyes beadier does not make it less of a butt. 0/10

Samsung, Experience 9.0

This is one of those little round rubber feet you find on ’90s hardware with a wall-eyed catface drawn on it and sat on top of some ears. Has melted into horrible sticky goo by now. 3/10

WhatsApp

Bit hamster but fine. 5/10

Twitter

Blunt. Headbutts you repeatedly. Also patio doors. 6/10

Twemoji, 11.1

Microsoft got the Hanna-Barbera cheeks, this got the nose. Constantly booping it against your hand while you try to drink. 6/10

Facebook

A bland, souless creature. Is this Zuckerberg's fursona? 2/10

Facebook, 2.0

A daring grey buddy. Look at that smile. 8/10

Facebook, 1.0

This might be worse than that butt lion. 0/10

JoyPixels

A simple cartoon friend, full of simple innocence. Has brought you a cool bug they found. 10/10

JoyPixels, 5.5

Same friend, less toon. Mewling excitedly because you stood up and might be going to the kitchen. 10/10

JoyPixels, 3.1

Forgot to put their tongue away after washing their butt. 8/10

JoyPixels, 2.2

'60s-revival-cartoon cat. Probably secret spy. Cannot escape "Joy" part of the name. 9/10

JoyPixels, 1.0

Can escape "Joy" part of the name. 3/10

OpenMoji

OpenMoji, please, you can't draw everything as a kangaroo. 1/10

emojidex

The wild eyes of a kitten that is preparing to bite your sleeping face. 6/10

Messenger

This is a pikachu. NaN/10

LG

oh god how did this get here, i am not good with computer/10

HTC

The poor thing's got mumps. 1/10

Mozilla

I think this is a naked baby rat or something. 1/10

SoftBank

Entirely functional kitty says hello. 5/10

SoftBank, 2006

Daring blue coat. Cheeky ^^ smile. 7/10

1997's is a tiny chunky boy. Got those lynx cheeks. 16/32 bits.

Docomo

Functional minimalism. 4/10

The 1999 version is essence of ktn. ∞/∞

au by KDDI, Type D-3

Those arent ears, they're the horns of the devil hoodie it's wearing. Has already killed your family. 666/10

Conversely, Type C-2 can by pet by pressing X, and there's a Steam achievement for doing it. 4/10

But it's not a cat face, it's a whole cat, and by scoring it I've thus rendered this whole exercise invalid. Rats.

A parting thought

Kevin: You like the joypixels one?!?! Oh my, it terrifies me. It's eyes are just so weird and the mouth just completes the alien visage.
LionsPhil: It is definitely very, very cartoony.
LionsPhil: I mean the earlier JoyPixels is the one you started the conversation by liking.
Kevin: Then...
> Oh god, and the new JoyPixels one is awful
LionsPhil: yeah
LionsPhil: All emoji you like will be ruined in time. 👍
LionsPhil: Shoulda just stuck with good ol' custom forum smilies.

Inspired, of course, by turtles. Images courtesy Emojipedia, and the work of/contracted-by the named companies.